Why? I dono..

4 am, juz 2 hours and 15 minutes b4 we set off for THE CAGE at Kallang for Futsal Open. Aint any good sportsman but organising sporting events still seem fine ..

Juz got back from logisitcal works and supper, extremely tired and shagged and in the midst of preparing the admin doc for tml. This is a project that I am truly excited about! EVen thinking about the schedule is exciting. I mean, we have got only 10 hours and there are 45 teams playing. Round-robins league system and knock-out.

45 is something tat far exceeded what was asked of my PR team and myself initially. 12 was the target given to me and now to think of it, yea, tat's relatively small. Futsal made me realised the truth behing Pastor's words, that is our potential is like a frame. We frame our potential and our limits. If I had faced the task of getting teams in with a framed mindset of only 12 teams, then indeed, we are only going to have 12. Even if we exceed marginally, tat's only because of fluke.

Then pple may ask, how is it that during Bash 1, there was not tat many turn-ups. I realised that at that point in time, I was still in my own ways struggling with some barriers of the mind and heart... questioning the reason behind my stepping up into the management comm. At tat point in time, my mind was framed, a small frame. We did make some profits but like I said, it aint really much to credit.

Was talking to Layz tat day in our usual chats... I began to wonder, why did I first run for 26th Management Comm? JJ, Layz and JY had each other as frenz to run together. I juz got acquainted to them at tat point in time. Hock, Rayner: I was juz beginning my frenship with them. The rest, needless to say, even less close. Given all these, why then did I still run? I dono... seriously...

In the beginning, things were really hard for me. Not tat it is any easier now. Circumstances do not change but at least I am adapting. Sometimes I'd to make unpopular decisions and I wonder why do I do that? For the interests of the club? But what exactly is this 'interest' of the club? It aint anything really tangible. Those tat I come down hard on are frenz, there's an affinity, a bond. So why then?

I dunno... I had to bite my lips sometimes as I made those decisions and it does pain me to see those decisions implemented. Yet, I would not allow myself to relent even though deep inside me, I softened up. So why then? I duono...

I had a labour economics test today. I know I did well but the kind of joy is not the same as I did when I was year 1. Has academic acheivements lost its status in my heart? I duno..

I have an essay due on Monday, another test on Tuesday, finances to settle. If I was the Bobby more than a year ago, what would I have done?

Hock told me tat day that I've changed to someone who dares to confront someone if I feel that what he/she is doing is wrong esp. in the arena of MC work. Previously, I will juz give a black face and dun say anything... Why the change? I dono...

I detested Hock (maybe not detest but dislike) when I was a freshie, the impression got better with FOP and then it got worse when I first stepped up but now I love him... why? I duno...

Even now as I look at my comm, I love them lots... lots... even though at times I am quite nasty about finances but I am nvr against them coz I really feel part of an entity...